We’re slowly rolling out some “Rules for Youth Ministry” to help leaders create better opportunities for discipleship through their ministry AND increase the odds for a ministry leader to stay around for a while. As Morpheus from The Matrix (for the classic movie fans out there) would say…” Some rules can be bent; others can be broken.” – so take this series as suggestions.

The Rules for Youth Ministry #2: Be Yourself

Youth ministry isn’t about being the most [insert your favorite modern slang term that means most excellent or awesome!] leader, the most entertaining speaker, or even the trendiest voice in the room. It’s about being authentic. Those you serve can sense when you serve from a genuine place that matches your personal foundations. As you lead ministry, it is natural to repeat some of the activities you experienced in the past. It is even fair to try on several different “hats” or approaches to ministry as you figure out who you are as a leader.

Our second rule of youth ministry is to be yourself. What does “being yourself” really mean in youth ministry? It’s a practice of self-awareness, integrity, and growth that will prevent you from simply copying what others do and allow you to authentically lead and build relationships.

Know Your Personality, Biases, and Default Settings

Find a variety of personality tests and do them. Look for insights about your natural tendencies, preferences, and giftedness. The context and culture in which you grew up and were formed in faith inform your attitudes, beliefs, and choices as a leader, whether you are aware of how those influences play out in your day-to-day approach to ministry or not. How might you best start some introspection so that you know what influences your values, plans, and reactions? Can you start to identify things you tend to avoid as a leader or perhaps blind spots you need to acknowledge?

Be Principled: What Do You Put First?

What are the primary things upon which your vision of ministry rests? What should be so obvious in your ministry that even a first-time attendee can understand that it is a value? What are your non-negotiables? Is it safety and a place to belong? Deep theological engagement? A commitment to seek justice? To be biblically grounded? To serve? Whatever your principle pieces of ministry are, make sure they are evident in the way you lead.

For example, if one preaches about grace but leads with harshness, that is a disconnect that will be felt. Let your principles guide your actions—not just your words.

Be Consistent: Help Others Know What to Expect from You

Youth thrive on consistency. They need to know that your leadership isn’t unpredictable or dependent on your mood that day. That doesn’t mean you can’t grow and change—it means that your core values, your approach to discipleship, and your way of interacting with young people remain steady. This builds trust, and trust builds a safe space for faith exploration.

Prioritize: Do the Things You Are Good At AND Like Doing

Avoid, as much as possible, the ministry trap of doing everything. Being yourself as a ministry leader means knowing where you shine and leaning into it. Do you love teaching but struggle with event planning? Delegate logistics to a volunteer. Do you find energy in relational ministry but get drained by administrative tasks? Structure your schedule to maximize your time with youth. Operate within your strengths so that you have the time and energy to learn and grow into any areas of weakness.

Know and Share Your Limits

Determine, set, and share boundaries. Give yourself grace. Recognize you don’t have control over everything that will happen in the ministry you lead. You can, however, have influence over everything. It’s okay to admit when you don’t have an answer or when you’re unable to take on another commitment. Youth (and their parents!) need to see that boundaries are healthy. Modeling balance teaches them that a faith on fire isn’t about burning bright and then burning out—it’s about finding the sources that will help you shine for a lifetime.

Develop and Revisit Your Theology

The best youth leaders aren’t the ones with all the answers—they’re the ones asking good questions of themselves and others. Being yourself means that you know both what you believe and why you believe it. What do you believe about God, grace, and justice? When did you start believing those things and why? Has your theology changed over time? Are you still relying on a faith framework from your teenage years, or are you engaging in ongoing learning? How does your theology influence the choices you make as you organize ministry?

Read books. Listen to podcasts. Do devotionals. Wrestle with scripture. Worship together. Be in a small group you are not leading.

At the end of the day, the most impactful youth leaders are the ones who show up as their true selves, rooted in self-awareness, principles, and a deep relationship with God. When you embrace who you are, you invite young people to do the same – creating a space where faith has the potential to become real, personal, and transformative.

Curious about rule #1? Click here!