Single and Fabulous
By: Deena Marie Hamilton
As a young adult, and even more so, as a young adult pastor, I have heard the phrase time and time again, “You’re such a pretty girl, when are you getting married?” Many of my older clergy colleagues have said in comfort, “I’m sure that the right guy will find you.” But in my mind my response to this statement is “Tell me where to go so that I can be found by the right guy.”
With all jokes aside, I have been a woman that has suffered from the delusion that so many women suffered from. The delusion is of the perfect wedding to the perfect man, and we trot off to Camelot to live happily ever after. The perfect man or situation is not out there. That’s just not realistic.
People have always admired what I have done with my life as well as how I have help others reach beyond the horizon to bigger and better things, but they always said, “I just don’t understand why you’re not married?” I used to wonder that too, and through some horrible break ups and misconceptions, I realized finally after dating for these past 10 years that maybe it’s just not meant for me to be married.
While I have watched countless numbers of my single friends galloped off to get married, I am reminded of something that Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians that has given me comfort. In the seventh chapter in the 32nd verse he states, “I would like for you to be free from concern.” And the million dollar question is what concern am I being shielded from oh great Brother Paul? Earlier in the passage Paul is telling us singletons to stay as we are. If you are married, then don’t seek a divorce, but if you are single, don’t look for a spouse. Because married people have to deal with issues that we singletons don’t. (I Cor 7: 26-28). Paul goes on to say in the passage that unmarried people are more concerned about the affairs of the Lord, and living lives pleasing to Him.
Being about the business of the Father just sets us up for the right purpose in our lives to attract the right people, in the right place, and at the right time. So what Paul is telling us in his letter to the Corinthians is for our own good and that being single does not restrict us but frees us to live our lives to the fullest. Our lives don’t begin when we’re married. Our lives begin when we accept Christ into our lives.
I know that sounds so hard to believe at times because I know all too well the single blues. The feeling of loneliness and wondering if there is anything wrong with you can be consuming. I have to be honest…I’ve dipped into times of self-pity. I have cried and indulged in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I have fluctuated between singleton bliss and old-maid mania.
But for now on, I’m just going to settle on living life like its golden. I’m living by Paul’s advice because there’s nothing else better to do. I don’t have to worry about asking someone if I want to go on some extended trip to Europe. I don’t have to ask permission to go shoe shopping. I won’t have to ask if it’s in the budget to buy some new jewelry.
It’s just what it is, and it’s all good. And from this day forward, I will be single and fabulous.
See more devotions from Deena Marie and our other Young Adult writers, or find our how you can become a writer yourself at our By Young Adults for Young Adults devotion page.